The Unopened Bag of Food

Big grief doesn't always arrive wearing a big face — reading through owners' accounts of saying goodbye, that's something that keeps standing out.

It shows up, for instance, the moment you open the food cupboard. In the footsteps that don't come at walk time anymore. In the quiet of the front door. In catching yourself getting up in the middle of the night to go check on their breathing. Pet loss doesn't seem to arrive as one large loss so much asa string of small absences scattered through everyday life.

There's no right time to pack their things away

When to put away the food, bowls, bed, and toys — reading these accounts, it really does vary from person to person. Some pack everything away the same day and cry at the empty space. Others leave things untouched for years, still talking to their pet a little every day. Both are moving forward, each in their own way. Whether "you should do it soon" or "you should leave it be" — that isn't really something anyone else gets to say.

Being allowed to cry has become normal

There was a time when people were told "it's just a dog" or "just a cat," and weren't even allowed to cry. As the concept of pet loss has become more widely understood, it's finally starting to be treated as the grief of losing family. There's probably still further to go, but at least now, it's a time when crying is allowed. There's no need to measure your tears against anyone else's.

The day you can open the cupboard

Someday, the day will come when you can open the food cupboard again. It won't be the day you forgot — it will be the day the memories start arriving before the pain does. No one can say when that day will come. And if it doesn't come yet, don't blame yourself for that either. Go at your own pace.

This site keeps a space for owners who've said goodbye to share their stories, with their permission. Whenever you're ready, we'd like to hear about your own "small absence," too —you can start here.